Friday, April 17, 2015

The tough nights

When we are expecting the first baby everyone warns you about those first few months of sleepless nights. When we actually experience caring few a baby that is awake most of the night, we cant imagine anything more exhausting. But no one warns you about the exhausting nights you will have when baby is sick.

My first daughter, Morrigan, was incredibly easy. She slept through the night at 2 months old and didn't get sick until 8 months old. My second daughter, Freya, is colic so i'm used to pacing her around while she screams her head off. But nothing prepared me for the day Freya got sick.

Usually I sleep so well in the rain but the baby in the bassinet stirred. Freya had been sick for a few days now. She was stuffy and congested. I had only closed my eyes for maybe 20 minutes. I had paced the living room until 1 am with her and finally laid down in bed once she fell asleep. She stirred more and she let out a tiny whimper which I know is only the start of what will become a angry screaming cry if I don't act fast. I jumped up and I took her into my bed laying her next to me. I turned her into me to nurse but she refused. The angry cry that came out of my tiny little babes startled me. I didn't expect her to get that upset that fast. There was a raspy sound as she inhaled and exhaled as she screamed.

Freya wanted to be paced again around so back to the living room so my husband could sleep.  I paced her around the living room again for hours. I tried my best to console her but there was nothing I could do. She would nurse for a short time then she would throw herself around until I put my focus back on pacing about. I suctioned out her nose which made her scream louder. I put saline in her nose, which too made her scream even louder. She was so tired she wouldn't open her eyes, she just cried and cried.

The sun came up as we paced until my legs wobbled under me, I was exhausted. The morning sky looked as sick as Freya with low gloomy clouds and drizzly rain that feel like her tears. It only made me feel more exhausted and sorry that my little girl felt as terrible as she did. I finally got her to settle down long enough for me to sit down. We sat in front of the cool mist humidifier and watched a little television.

After crying for hours Freya cried herself to sleep. I watched her start to cry in her sleep. Tears actually fell from her closed eyes.
Nothing pulls at your heart strings more than when your child is sick or hurt. I sat there and wished I could take this from her. 

No matter how many time your child is sick it will always make you feel like the first time. You will worry, you will be exhausted, and you will try your best to make them as comfortable as you can. That is what a parent does best. We have magic cuddles and boo-boo kisses.

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